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Aug. 26th, 2005

My Worst Nightmare i thought was TRUE

So Wed. night i had the most scariest dream ever possible. Well let me first tell you what has been happening..well about a month or so ago my lovely grandpa called me and asked for my SS so course i gave hem it. And he wanted it because for his will. So when he dies i'd be able to get some of his money.Basically and im one of the people that gets his stuff left behind ect.Well anyways that happened about a month or two ago. And i guess this will thing has been some what on my mind since then. Wed. night i went to bed at 7pm then i woke up at 9pm. And was up till about 12am. i couldn't sleep. then i finally did. and then 230am i wake up again. because i had the worst dream i could ever have. So between 12am-230am i was freaking out in my sleep. This is what my dream was ( what i remembered). I dreamt me and my family were at my grandpas house ( He built the house and has lived in it for many years. So the house is apart of me.)and i grandpa must of gave me a bright red book before this all happened. and i remember me yelling and screaming and crying crazily. and just totally freaking the hell out. And the whole reason was because my GRANDPA DIED. and he gave me this bright red book. and i like kept it with me at all times. and someone said to me they were like " Oh dont worry amber u'll be getting money". and omgh in my dream i freaked out more. it was the worst thing i ever could imangine happening to me. And i basically woke up.. going crazy still. my dream i remeber was very detailed. but dont remember all of it right now.But i was freaking out for about an hour awhile i was awake. so i called matt. Because i knew he would listen and would be up at 230am.I tried to call my moms cell but no answer=(. Oh well.But i finally fell back asleep at 430ish but i had to be up at 520am =\. So i got basically NO sleep. So i went to my moms at like 545am. and i slept till like 730am. and we went into work at 8am. the whole day i was freaked out by the dream. because that dream was so detailed i thought it was real.. like it happened. but i wish it was a dream but it wasnt. but THANK FREAKING GOD IT WAS ONLY A DREAM.yeah so then all day i was freakin out. so after work i called my grandpa nad glad he was okay.. and then we wernt over there.. i didnt wanna . i wanted to see hem but i knew i woulda cried. and of course i did. And he was talkign about his will.. once again and made me sad.. then i went home..i hugged my grandpa so much. I told hem i loved hem too. and then i got home and cried my eyyes out evenr more.. for about 2 hours. b.c i was still scared as hell. then later that night i could my aunt. and she kinda told me. that it was normal for me to feel that way and have a dream like that. and to be scared. and that he is just getting ready for whrn he DOES pass. even though we dont want to think about it. but it happens. n i know. and he just perparing hemself. for when the time does come. not meaning it will anytime soon. just incase. so she made me FEEL ALOT BETTER. im so glad i called her. so then she said i shoudl spend more time with hem. b.c i'd prolly feel guilty when he does. so i am. and she said we should all go out to eat to like perkins.. b.c he likes that place . and i very much agreed. and i am gunna see my granpa morwe. i think it was a wake up call.. thank god his ok.. i love hem so damn much. Idk what i'd do without hem!
I gotta work now
thanks for comments <3

Apr. 27th, 2005

And again

Life is even better!!!. Good 2 hear huh? we fixed the car. And are selling it. and getting a new one! haha. so if u know anyone thats looking for a car..lemmie know! ha. notmuch else but im hoping to get a job at a hospital..HOPING. yah. well i better jet.. yah im at the library again blah.. we NEED a pc.. much love..amba

Dec. 19th, 2004


Now only people that will be able to read the future entries are my friends!.Thankss to people that are bashing me. You are no longer to hear about my life! But for my FRIENDS.. leave comments.And If u wanna read my journal ask!.Maybe you will be a lucky one!have a great one! <3

Dec. 8th, 2004


I feel kinda dizzy. Maybe cuz of lastnight.Lol. Oh well.I hung with my friend rick.At my house for a little and he had 2 talk 2 me about issues in his life. It was cool.And he brought me 2 my bf's house( since they live 5 mins away from each other).And i was with wade all night!=D.It was fun hanging with hem and his friends.=0).But something horrible happened 2 hem.A wonderful guitarists died at a concert someone shot hem.Very sad=0(.And my bf was so upset and crying i felt so bad.But i was there for hem as much as i could.And someone was leaving..and then i started 2 cry..and he was like why are u crying hun!!?.And someone was like because she cares about you.Which is true..It hurt me he was crying.And he just holded me really tight.=0).Im scared about somethings..i shouldnt mention here.my friend is helping me though..so scary...
but today is my birthday yay.my bf is commin over tonight along w/ some friends yay

Dec. 7th, 2004


hey.I haven't updated in awhile! Lol.Ah i moved in.Im on my Roomies.PC's.Hehe!.Good times. MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMARROW!!!!!!!! I'll be 19 *wootwoot* haha.Me and my friends and my BF. are gunna go to a strip club..SHURGS... it will be kinda weird.Not going to a strip club but being there with my bf..LOL.This is nuts..Will be interesting!thats for sure!I finally got my bed set up.And my room is finally looking somewhat like a room.Yeah im having a couple friends over soon so gotta get ready and stuff.And yes. my birthday WOOHOOO... haha.. might be goin 2 the bf's tonight..yes...goodtimes.Well gtg:)

Nov. 30th, 2004


Whoa.. with working im SOOOO BUSY! and my bf.. and moving ectect!!!!!!!.I move this saturday!.Yay. Im SOO excited. so in like 3 days or so! Kick ass.I been packing like CRAZY ..so much work. Im not looking forward to unpacking=\.Oh well.I looked at our house. And see how everything was.Im excited.No washer or dryer thou:'( .Just the hook ups. GRR. Oh well.Hopefully we will evenually get some.Oh well.I haven't seen wade like all week=0(.I miss hem .Oh well *Shurgs* This saturday he is comming over. Prolly like around 12-1pm though. Blah=0(. Oh well.He is stayin the night.Even though i work.But only from 5pm-8pm. Ha. Yeah. He can hang with my roomies. Or atch tv or something. While im at work. It isnt that long so haha yes.So im excited. Oh.. or else he can sleep too..lol.Yeah..ohh im soo excited!.But yeah. I still gotta pack alittle..UGH..but yeah..anyways..im SOOOO TIRED SO goodnighty <3

Nov. 28th, 2004

stuff on the mind

So i came to write. I never know how to start this out ..LOL.Anyways i move on saturday! Which is less then a week away! Yay.Im real excited.Man! Me and wade are good.Thanksgiving was great! *MM* food. haha.My bday is comming up *woohoo*.And my friend jenny and her boyfriend are having a party on Dec. 11th so me and wade are gunna go to that! =0).And on the 8th of dec. He is taking me 2 a concert=D.That will be so fun!.woohoo..so excited! haha.And paying rent and stuff for the townhome tuesday.Fun stuff! So mainly anytime after tuesday we can move in lol.Wade is moving tommarrow (actually today lol).So he'll be busy.I might be hanging out with my friend dan tommarrow. Gez i haven't seen hem forever. And yeah. Fun stuff.Who knows what else. its my day off which is nice!=0).Hmmm.. oh i found out today on the way back from my grandpas with my mom.. that my mom and my grandma arn't gunna go 2 christmas at my aunts =\. so i called my aunt today.. and we talked.Me and her were both bummed. But idk hopefully everything will be okay. I told her i was going so she said she was so glad at least i was gunna come. Of course i was. I love family stuff!. So yeah.Anyways.. i better should go 2 bed sorta big day tommarrow..=p.Ah ya my BANK SUCKS Talk about it another time..Ah well goodnighty!

Nov. 22nd, 2004

(no subject)

~Boring Basics~
What do people call you?::Amber
Gender?: Female
How long have you been living?:: almost 19 years
Where were you born?: HCMC
Where do you reside?:: In blaine
Who do you live with?:: mom,sis,nan for now..
Any pets?: a cat
Grade?: none
Height?:: 5'4
Eye color?:: Green
Skin color?:: Hmm...white?
Hair?:: brown
Wear glasses/contacts?: both
Any piercings?: none right now
Tattoos?: none
What can you usually be seen wearing?:: Anything cute.
Makeup?:: eyeliner,eye shadow,cover up,ect
Jewelry?:: Sometimes
Do you like the way you look?:: yeah.
What would you change?:: nothing
How do you normally feel?:: Im a happy perso most times
What is usually on your mind?:: work..moving..packing..wade..family..holidays..friends..ect
How would you describe your personality?:: Outgoing.silly.goofy
Do you hide how you really feel or show it?:: Sometimes.
Do you like how you think?:: yeah...lol
Do you have low self-esteem??: not really
Are you confident: yeah..
Color?:: purple
Food?:: Spaghetti/fries
Beverage?:: dr.pepper
Book?:: idk..my dreams book
Author?:: ?
Toy?:: my stuff animals
Person?:: my family,my bf,my friends
Animal?: Huskys
Place?:: Anywhewre with ppl i care about
Article of clothing?:: My black skirt
Website?:: my website
Holiday?:: i love christmas/thanksgiving <3
Invention?:: Computer..i guess
Cheese?: its good
Cookie?:: chloc.
Pizza topping?: Pepperoni
Candy?:: hmm...whatchamacallits
Perfume/Cologne/Scent?:: romance/too sexy
Bath item?:: hmm...idk
Store?:: i HAVE MANY
Texture?:: Smooth
Noise?:: XMAS
Taste?:: hmm..anything sweet;-)
Game?:: twister haha
Sport?:: basketball
Thing to do?:: sleep,work,see ppl
Weather?:: Summer beach weather
Instrument?:: sax
Word/phrase?: you rock
Body part?: hmm..tummys
~Love/Relationships/And all that fun stuff~
Single or taken?: taken
If single, How long have you been single?:: none
How many past relationships did you have?:: enuff
Why did the last one end?:: long story
Are you currently in search for a significant other?:: no.. i have a bf
Ever been kissed?: Yes
How old were you when you got your first kiss?: 8th grade
How many people have you kissed?: enough
How about that tongue?: what about it
Ever been in love?:: yeah
Do you believe in love?: yeah
Any regrets?:: no. i learn from my past
Do you like being single better or being taken?:: idk both have pros and cons
If taken, What is your significant other's name?:: Wade
How long have you been together?::Not long lol
Where did you meet?:: Actually online..
Describe them.: Looks: brown hair w/ blue eyes.. very gorgeous!.And personailty.. is amazing. we clicked right away
Virgin or no?: You decide that
Have any fetishes?:: no?
Turn-ons?:: Wade lol
Turn-offs?:: Immature,jerks,dishonest,concieted people,not understanding,no goals, ect
What kind of person are you attracted to?:: Wade.. i guess the more preppy/skater look.
Are you dominant or submissive?:: Eh.. dominant.
Prefer to be on the top or bottom?:: idk kinda depends
Into bondage/bdsm/s&m/or any of that other fun stuff?:: ;lol
Do you like biting/being bitten?: not had but its cute lol.
Into spanking?: not as much
How about those whips?: Kind of
How many close friends do you have?: i'd say maybe 3..
Who always makes you smile?: Wade,aaron,seila
Makes you laugh?: all them do really
Makes you happy?: same
Who is always there for you?: I think wade is. And so r all my friends and family.
Who can you trust the most?: Seila. By far.
Trust the least?: Prolly Mike
Who would you give your life for?: Seila most def. and my family.
Are you social?: yes
Do you like to talk to people?: yeah
Are you a conversation starter?: yeah
Do you like to be the center of attention?: yeah at times
Would you just like to be unnoticed?: no..lol
Do social situations make you nervous?: no
Do you talk to strangers?: ya have before
What is one weird encounter you’ve had with a stranger?: at the malls lol
What’s one of the nicest things someone said to you?:That they didn't want me 2 leave them that night.
One of the meanest?:Told me i was a bitch *Shurgs*
Favorite genre?:: anything but rap
Bands?:: 3doorsdown,nickleback
Play anything?:: nope
In a band?:: No
Been to any good concerts?:: audiovent.
Are you a mosher?: i have done it once..but it was fun.
Best concert memory?:: moshing was fun.
Worst concert memory?: some gurl yellin at me..UGH
Any bands you would like to see?:: oh there are many
Fave show?: friends,family guy,simpons
Fave reruns?: I love Lucy
Fave channel?: 9?
Fave cartoon?: family guy lol
Have any shows get cancelled that made you mad?: Friends=(
Fave movie?: many
Genres?: romantice,scary,comedy
Most disappointing movie you saw?: punk drunk love or w.e
Rather go to the movies or sat at home?: Home
Fave actor?: Johnny dep i wonder why?
Actress?: I dont know
Director?: see above
~This or That~
Phone or IM?: phone
Lights on or off?: Off
Talk or listen?: both
Wax or shave?: Shave less painful but sometimes wax is better
Write or type?: hmm depends
Burn in hell with people you love or be in heaven alone?: Hell
Have someone stab you or stab yourself?: myself
Eat shit or drink piss?: Oh god neither id ont care neither
Kiss (a long one not a peck) a family member or someone of the same sex: hmm gross
Kill yourself or someone else?: i couldnt deal with killing someone else
Be blind or deaf?: deaf
Shower or bath?: bath
Hot tub or pool?: hot tub
Be entertained or entertain?: entertained
White chocolate or dark chocolate?: white
Outdoors or indoors?: depends
Eating?: nothing
Drinking?: nothing
Listening to?: over and over again--nelly
Wearing?: Hoody and sweats
Talking to?: rob
Doing?: listening to music
Thinking?: About wade.. and that it sucks im feeling sick=(
How ya feeling?: Shitty.. but im also happy too...shurgs
Book reading?: none
Ate?: soup
Drank?: md
Listened to?: My music
Wore?: sweat shirt n pants
Talked to?: rob (online) and wade on the phone
Said?: "ahh yeah."
Did?: filled this out
Watched?: family guy
Time you vomited?: gross idk
Were sick?: right now shurgs
Cry?: hmm idk awhile
Book read?: I dont know
Movie watched?: family guy
Person hugged?: Wade
Person kissed?: Wade
Person you saw?: Besides my mom.. and ppl at work... wade
Hospital visit?: dont go there.
What annoys the hell out of you?: tapping
What do your sheets look like?: purple
Have any nifty talents?: idk lol
Been to any neat places?: eh..
What do you think about guys wearing skirts and makeup?: they are gay lol
Are you into the whole religion thing?: in a way
You like fuzzy stuff?: yup
How about sparkly and glittery stuff?: Yeah
If you could get rid of one thing in the world what would it be?: i dont know..prolly something
You into drugs or are they a no no for you?: i drink
Ever wear underwear meant for the opposite sex?:haha yea..boxers
~List 5 fears you fear~
-: Being dissapeared on..
-: Being alone in life
-: Spiders
-: The dark
-: Air planes
~List 5 things you can’t live without~
-: My cds
-: Internet
-: Best friends
-: Family
-: money
~List 5 things you hope for your future~
-: finish college
-: Get a good job
-: Get married/family
-: Travel
-: have a nice house.
~My Survey has come to an end~
Did you enjoy yourself?: Sure
It sucked huh?: Yes actually
What are you going to do now?:Nap/shower then gone..

My new happiness

More and more happen everytime i write in here no matter how often i write it seeems like.I have a boyfriend now.His just is great to me. We started going out the 21st which was yesterday.His so sweet to me. Everything feels soo right.He is so caring!.At least to me. Which is good lol.He makes me feel so great when im with hem. He says the sweetest things ever.!=0).But i have this stupid fear ( from an ex) that he'll hurt me n leave me outta no warnning.. I HATE THAT FEELING Why do i have to feel that STILL?.Not every guy is like that asswhole *shurgs*Its been three years now..and i still from this day have that fear. Even though Wade (Thats my bf's name) Tell me how adorable and cute i am.And that he doesn't want me 2 leave. Like.. at work i thought about hem ALL DAY SHURGS. i know thats not exactly good. But i cant help it. When i was with hem. It was EVERYTHING I ever wanted.Serious.. So far everything i know about hem i like so much.And how he smiles at me all the time =0).Makes me feel so great.And he kisses my forehead. Thats the sweetest. I get all giggly! Its cute.While i was at work today ( last night he told em 2 call after work) and near 3pm ( i get off 330pm).I was like what if he doesn't answer??? what if he dissapears and doesnt talk to me anymore? I get so FREAKIN scared.I dont wanna be hurt again. EVER. it hurts. I hate it..I hate that fucking feeling GO AWAY!.But right when i got out of work i called hem.And he answered. So i felt so much better. And we were just talking about what we did today and stuff! =0).Was nice.And im going to see hem tonight after he signs his lease for his townhome.. and after his done with work. He should be over by 9ish. Tonight.Im soo excited. I miss hem! Lol. even though i seen hem earlyer today... shurgs.. i just hope this isnt a bad thing! LoL.Yup. This is nuts. I have 2 jobs.. my family...moving..packing...friends.. and now a boy friend to fit into my life. Im all so busy!.But some how i'll manage.Im very much happy.And excited.A little worried.But shouldnt be bad.Im abit tired though because last night i was with wade from 530pm-6am lol. and i worked at 7am sheesh.Im going to go home tonight though i hope lol.Neither of us wanted me 2 leave =0(..lol.Oh today i found out i have thursday and friday off at one of my jobs. Thats sooo nice to know.. man.. seriously! Im kinda hoping thursday night to go to my boyfriends house! I'll have 2 talk 2 hem about it.=D.Yayness. I also met his mom.She seems cool=D.And yes. He wants me 2 go 2 this one concert with hem around my birthday! Whoo.. .And yeah this should be fun.But i think im gunna take a little nap so im more awake im so tired right now.And then take a shower in stuff.. and see my bf later tonight have a great one all!! <3

Nov. 21st, 2004


So much happens everytime i write in here.Im moving Decemeber , 4th! woo!.Im excited..im glad to be gone from here.I wont have the internet so the only way i'd be able to write in here after december 4th. Is either i stop at moms house to write.. or library.Or get the net at my house.Which we will evenually do.But i dunno when.Lol.So yes.I was just looking up u-haul crap.Yeah fun.Lol.Hmm...Life is good.Boys r boys.. same old story. Lol. Anyways i better get going =D alota crap 2 do..packing.ect..oh ya i got a full time job also.So this is my weekly schedual. Monday- friday 7am-330pm Tuesday-saturday 5pm-9pm.Good times.. Its money=D. Well i better go!
Stay sweet and have a great thanks giving..

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